The Emergency Technicians worked feverishly; at times their movements were a blur.  Through tears I cried out, “God, please don’t let him die, don’t take him from me!”  Critical minutes passed, the rush began to quiet.  The only thing I could hear was my heart breaking as the EMT looked at me and said, “I’m sorry, there was nothing we could do.” My jaw clinched, my nails dug into my palms until they nearly broke the skin. “God, why?”

My son and daughter now clung to me.  A sense of helplessness ran through me like a river.  The hours after Ray’s death passed turning into days, the days turning into weeks. Still the anger kept building mercilessly until I was consumed by it.

One night as I sat on my empty bed I uttered, “I hate you…” to my loving and forgiving God.  I lay my head on my pillow and fell fast asleep.  In my sleep I heard a voice say to me, “I love you Sarah, always have and always will.”  I saw my Ray…God had given him back to me….Praise God…a miracle!  I reached for him and became entangled in the life lines attached to him.  I tripped and stubbed my toe on the wheel chair that held his limp, contorted body.

I saw bed pans and soiled sheets.  I backed away slowly taking in all that was in sight and the voice came to me again and asked, “Is this what you really want from me?” “No,” I whispered. “What then would you have me do?” With tears dropping like rain I begged my merciful God to release Ray from his suffering.

When you lose someone, cry not for them, for they are dancing blissfully in the light and love of God.  Let your tears dry and be replaced with memories of how this person you love touched you through being a part of your life.

Click her.Carolina Lady it was an honor to know you...now  spread your angel wings and fly home.